Let me describe to you one of my most mysterious encounters with an unknown entity.
Many people involved in what one might call the esoteric will describe how every person has an "aura" around them that they carry throughout their lives.
Even if you do not believe as deeply as some of us, you must admit, you have felt it yourself in life before.
Perhaps someone entered the room, and you suddenly felt in danger? Or the opposite, someone just seemed friendly and trustworthy right away. Maybe nefarious, intelligent, scheming. Some mediums I met in life described that they can in fact see these auras, represented as brilliant colours of light around a person.
As for me? Not to toot my own horn here, but more than a few individuals have told me they get two distinct impressions of me right away:
1.) I seem to be very friendly, approachable and non-threatening.
2.) Somehow, I give off a sense of being highly erotic and sexual.
Perhaps it was one of the above "qualities" that resulted in a mysterious entity to be attracted to me, resulting in a series of encounters spanning years of my life.
The First Visit
The hour is late and I am laying in bed, trying to fall asleep.
Little did I know, I had actually fallen asleep some time ago, in a sense of the word.
Attempting not to move to increase my chances of doing so, I get sick of my current position and decide to look at my phone while turning over. However as I reach out for the device, to my shock I find myself unable to do so.
Oh great, sleep paralysis again... I think to myself.
I was no stranger to sleep paralysis, having experienced it as a teenager during a highly stressful time on a weekly basis.
But something felt different this time...
For one, I did not notice myself going into paralysis at all. Before I was able to tell when it was happening and even stop it, but this time it just sort of...did it's thing?
More to that, I am able to open my eyes. I could not do that before. All I see is my darkened room, I can hear the hum of my computer at my desk as I enjoy falling asleep to it.
And lastly, I am cold, very cold, which makes no sense because it's the middle of summer, it's well over 30 Celsius outside yet I feel like it must be well below 10 Celsius.
I can peer around my room, but my vision is heavy and limited, to the point it is tiring to even use my eyes. As I can't move my body, there is a sizable blind spot just behind me and below my feet.
Thinking in the moment, I try to focus, attempting old tricks I learned during my years of sleepy paralysis: try to move your toes, hold your breath, something to shock yourself out of this state.
Yet nothing seems to work, holding my breath just seems to trigger the "Breathe you idiot." over-ride in my monkey brain so that I don't delete myself.
Confused, and at this point very exhausted just from the act of looking around, I close my eyes again and focus on the sensation of coldness, as it is quite fascinating to me considering the summer season.
It is then I realize: it is strongest at a point, below my feet, slightly behind me and appears to "pulse". More to the point, someone or something is standing there and... observing me?
In this moment I find out, there is one more action I am able to take in whatever dream realm I found myself in, I can speak.
"Who are you?"
pop
Just like that. I am awake, for real this time.
I can move, I can look at my phone, it is no longer cold here.
No answer to my question however, rather like it startled the entity that was observing me.
Getting some sleep, I reflect briefly on the encounter in the morning, but think nothing of it. Other than leaving me more exhausted, it did not affect me for the moment.
An Annoying Visitor
Alas, it was not to be a one time thing. The entity returned, time and time again.
At the time, my emotions for it went through many stages.
Fear.
Curiosity.
Annoyance.
Anger.
First came the fear.
As it kept returning, several times a week, I felt myself petrified. Scared beyond belief. I did not understand what was happening to me or why. Am I going crazy? Am I sick? My skepticism at this point was still very high, so was my belief it was I in fact turned mentally ill, these encounters just the most obvious display of it.
But then came curiosity.
After I while, I actually felt fascinated. I was starting to accept there is nothing wrong with me as a person. This is real and happening. There is an actual unexplainable entity that has taken an interest in me.
As I described before, while the state it put me in presented itself outwardly as sleep paralysis, the way it achieved it was almost seamless. With time I learned to feel it out, the strange sensation of a veil of energy being pulled over me and then transporting me somewhere else. Whatever friendly attempts at communication I made, had no response and would often result in the encounter ending right away.
(Side note: Maybe this is what brought about the fascination? My ability to sense it's presence and attempt communication could have made them curious in turn)
As for the feeling of the presence, as said before we each have our own aura, but also a sense of energy.
And from the entity now so seemingly obsessed with yours truly I could only with certainty feel one aspect:
Feminity. She was a woman of some description.
(If you are wondering, think back to a social encounter that had a higher number of women than men and vice versa. Think of how the energy in the room changed.)
Alas, the "good" times would not last. My curiosity turned to annoyance.
I would not have minded the visits, the paralysis, if very critically they did not leave me absolutely exhausted in the morning. Every encounter meant a day spent feeling as I had not slept, and the frequency of them was increasing. Never was there any communication towards me from her, so it felt pointless.
(Side note: I know many of you are thinking "Succubus" by now and I don't fully disagree, but I would like to mention that none of the encounters had a sexual nature or result)
So one night, I turned to anger, and I let my feelings known...
Escalation
It's happening again. Another night, another visit. Which means another day spent in exhaustion for me. I've had enough.
I do not yell out at her, not yet. Instead I try something I did not try before. I'm going to find a way to move, in this realm she calls hers.
Doing so is incredibly difficult. I feel like I am held back by invisible chains. But with strong focus and summoning all the strength I can, I start moving my limbs, something trying to pull me back at all times. The best description I can give it is of lifting weights at the gym that are just within reach of your current ability, but heavy enough that you can only manage a single repetition.
I break one arm free, then another. One leg becomes unchained before the next.
At this point I am at wits ends, the exertion I put myself through leaving me with almost no energy.
My back is turned towards the room, towards the door where I feel her presence.
She seems...surprised?
Whatever the case, I summon the last of my energy, hoping to catch her off guard and finally take a look at her and speak to her directly.
As I whip around, I notice the door is open, obscuring my vision once more, feeling her presence escaping through it.
I let out a yell, "What do you want from me?! Either speak to me, show yourself, or leave me! There is no point to this!"
As my words echo through the dream realm, I only hear faint, barefoot steps where the hall would be as her presence moves further away, and I feel myself regaining consciousness.
And just like that, for a duration of almost 6 months, I was free. She was gone.
I thought I had won, my display scaring her away forever. Oh how wrong I was.
Very wrong.
I had let my guard down, the visits having stopped for months now. Not even considering she might return.
And then one night, there her presence was once more, but it felt different.
It was no longer concentrated to one spot, rather it seemed to envelop me all around, leaving me unable to pinpoint where she was.
The feeling of simply being curious about me had changed to a feeling of pure obsession.
Now I was even able to move around freely, be it either an ability I had by virtue of our last encounter, or simply her deciding to allow it so.
Most frigthentlny of all, she seemed to not want to let me go. Speaking to her previously would end the visit right there, but this time, it was not to be.
At least not fully.
I would seemingly wake up in my room at first, however it was just another illusion. Like Inception, her realm, the illusion she built had several layers. Escaping one just lead me to another.
But I found a way out, something that seemed to scare her even this time: the quality of the illusion.
As I was able to move around the room, and inspect my surroundings in the dusk, I would notice the imperfections, calling her out for it.
The mess on my desk would no longer be there. My chair turned differently than I left it. Pictures missing on the wall, items placed differently or missing.
I had found my new weapon, my new way out.
The encounters this time were less frequent, but more intense. With the aforementioned layering, and her skill in pulling me in to her realm having increased, combined with my ability to act almost freely (other than leaving my room) meant that every visit that happened was akin to an escape room, a game of "find the difference" before I made my way up through all the levels of the illusion.
My feeling was that I had won again, her weakness found, I could get out every time and eventually it will just turn into her becoming bored of me and moving on.
What I did not realize at the time, dear reader, is that in fact I was helping her.
Slowly, with every encounter where I found a mistake in the illusion, she became more skilled. Details she missed before would be amended the next time. Month after month, it was becoming difficult to tell what was reality and what was her illusion of such. What I believed was my key to victory, was turning into my undoing.
Until another night, another encounter, I found the critical detail. The actual Achilles heel of her abilities.
Being completely exhausted, a visit from her the night before and a long work shift leaving me completely drained, I lay in bed having left my ceiling light on, illuminating the whole room. In this state, I had fallen asleep.
Once more I found myself pulled in, the room suddenly becoming dark.
"Nice try darling, but I know for a fact I left the light on." I said to her.
The illusion "reset", with me in bed once more, and this time the light was in fact on.
And there lay her critical mistake: it was all wrong.
Shadows did not behave as they would, with some objects missing them. Others did not absorb or bounce the light as they should. It was very obvious and crude.
You might think that once more she would learn and adapt, but she never did.
The encounters that followed, I always would look for the same thing: a light source. A lamp I left intentionally on. A small LED even was enough. For whatever reason, the concept of light and the way it behaves completely escaped her understanding, as if it simply did not occur naturally in her realm.
At this point, I was becoming bored of it. Her visits and presence just becoming an occasional foot note of my weekly life. I learned to deal with the exhaustion, and the novelty of having a mysterious female entity obsessed with me was wearing off, the small excitement of out-smarting her disappearing.
So I stopped reacting to her.
Whenever I found myself pulled in (or pulled through now that I think of it?), I'd simply continue laying in bed, not moving or fighting back, refusing to give her the satisfaction. As I was bored, so I hoped she would become.
Then on her second to last encounter, she took more direct action.
There I lay in bed, knowing fully I was once more in an illusion created by her, I refused to play her game. I did not communicate, made no attempt to escape, just letting it fade out as it happened the last few times.
Suddenly, a touch.
A hand was placed around my waist. I could feel another arm sliding below, on the part of my waist that was touching the bed, until I was enveloped.
Now I can catch her I thought!
Yet once more she changed the rules of the game, petrifying with such strength I could not even open my eyes. Ugh, I thought, boring. Just leave.
And then she pulled on me. Moving me along the bed.
Seemingly not strong enough even in her own illusion to do it all at once, she had to heave and strongly pull every time, until I found myself at the edge of the bed.
With her last pull, I fell down on the floor, and I was filled with rage.
In an instant, I had regained my strength. I opened my eyes, stood up and looked around, hoping to catch her.
The illusion she created this time around seemed lazy and crude. None of what she learned seemed to apply this time.
"Enough! Show yourself! Face me!" I cried out.
No cigar however, she still did not face me directly.
But I noticed one detail: the door of my room was open.
It was only open once before, when she made a hasty escape the first time I called her out.
I walk through, the living room I was supposed to find myself in present, but in a very crude state, just like the illusion of my room, she was not concerned about details.
Turning towards the hallway, I saw only an indescribable darkness.
Suddenly her presence seemed to coalesce, radiating with the ever present cold just beyond that dark veil of the hallway.
It felt at the time, like an invitation. There were no words, only the sense, the feeling of the intention.
Walk through and meet me, walk through the veil and see me for the first time, walk through and join me, she seemed to imply.
My curiosity was at a peak. Do I do it? Do I take those steps, beyond the darkness and meet this entity that was with me for several years?
I was hesitant. The desire to finally meet her was burning in me enough to ignore the cold pulsing from her presence, but deep down I knew that if I take those steps, I will probably never return.
So I turned back, when I heard her vocalize something for the first time.
It was a woman's laugh. An almost sultry "hihihi" echoed from just beyond the dark, and I found myself back in my own bed. No illusion this time. Just reality.
So I was right, you are a girl.
The Sad Goodbye
It has been a month since that mysterious encounter when she was inviting me to join her, when I finally heard her for the first time. But nothing since then.
Maybe she is satisfied now? Did she take my action as a final refusal? But that laugh... the whole implication, as if she was planning something. That bit of hesitation I had to turn back, did she take that as the yes she needed for the finale?
I got my answer, aged 27, so barely two years ago, on another summer night.
There was no indication that I had been abducted to her realm, the illusion she crafted absolutely perfect. I could not tell, just laying in bed on my side, looking into my room, lost in whatever thoughts I had, yet I was already in.
Suddenly, I felt her presence, more strongly than I ever did before, right behind my back.
Just like that I was petrified, paralyzed, unable to move once more, my gaze fixed where I had it last, looking towards my desk.
Then came the physical presence. Legs enveloped mine, the feeling of hips pushing against my backside, a cold breath on my neck, and the unmistakable feeling of a woman's chest pressing against my back. A very gifted woman, in fact.
(If you want me to say it in plain English: Her boobs were absolutely massive)
Two arms enveloped me and pulled me closer, the feeling of large fingernails being driven into my chest started to become present.
And then a sultry voice spoke directly to my ear:
"You are mine. You belong to me."
I feel myself becoming held ever stronger, the fingernails becoming driven into my flesh.
"No, I do not." I reply
"No, you are. Come with me. Come with me. You are mine. Come, follow me."
The physical sensation becomes almost too much to bear, breathing is starting to become difficult, pain is starting to envelop me, my physical strength going away.
Part of me realizes: I am dying. My physical body is dying, and my soul seems to be drifting away.
"I won't, I don't belong to anyone." I say.
"But you are mine. I need you, I need you. I want you. You belong to me. I want you, I want you, I need you."
Now my dear reader, I realize what follows feels like I am pulling your leg. Like in this very finale I just made it all up. But I promise, fully, that this was my response.
You see as a person, I can be very nice and welcoming. But when angry, I have the tendency to explode and say things...exactly the way I see them.
"Fuck off you slut. I don't date whores that sleep around."
With my final, vulgar denial of her advances, I hear a blood-boiling, ear piercing scream, as her presence, seemingly her very energy dissipates.
The paralysis wears off, the pain is gone, her physical touch disappears and I once more find myself back in my room, in reality, exhausted but alive.
That was the last time she ever visited me. The last time I ever felt her presence.
From that point in time, she was gone. For good.
Analysis
I realize the question you all have, the question I've had all this time, even today.
What was she?
The idea of a succubus comes to mind right away. Yet does not fit the bill completely. Encounters with those beings are described almost the same way, be it in old literature or the modern occult. A single, very intense, very pleasurable encounter that leaves the man satisfied, if exhausted, drained and with a bit of...a mess to clean up.
Some references are made to succubi that would become obsessed for a while with a singular target, but never to such an extent.
Being a Slav, living in a Slavic country, I searched for old tales and mysteries of our culture, trying to find a match to no luck.
As such I do apologize, but I lack a satisfying answer to the ultimate question.
Having reflected on the experience, I find myself sometimes conflicted.
Was she truly tormenting me, or did she not understand what her doing was causing?
Did she never show herself because of shyness? Can an entity be shy?
Were her games a way of flirting, of showing me what she is capable of, that she can create for me anything I need if I join her?
Did she truly need me? Need me to survive?
Did my ultimate, final refusal destroy a unique being...
I may most likely never know.
There is no final feel good sentence about love or scary sentence about how she is still here to make as provided previously.
Only more questions than answers, and the account of a unique encounter I wished to share.
Thank you for your time my friends.